trying something new?

23 April 2009

i wish my eyes were rolls of film!

man. today was the bomb! ::one huge smile::
driving home from work, the sunshine was absolutely PERFECT! the, uhhHH! i don't even know how to say it. but it was. :) i've decided that blowing bubbles on perfect sunshiny days with wind whirling through car windows....mmmmmman.

yeah, i give up. i have no idea how to say it. if only i could drive, blow bubbles out the window and be a pro photographer all at the same time...

but it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(X INFINITY!!!!!!)

21 April 2009

mmmm! french fries and bbq sauce!

so i was randomly searching YouTube, and I found this video about a girl going to college (btw, creative video with a good point...she has skills) and she had her blog address there so i decide to trouse on over to see it and found a post a wee bit down that really hit home (friendship is not just for my benefit...). thought i'd share it. thanks girl! :)

“I hate you! You’re not my friend anymore!”

I can vividly recall yelling such words to numerous childhood friends over the years. It’s what kids do. You’re best friends one week, then the next you’re sworn enemies. One minute you’re sharing lollipops; then the next you’re pulling each other’s hair out.

I met one friend at a “Pioneer Girl” meeting once when I was around four years old. The both of us secretly agreed to become best friends right on the spot – “Hi, my name is Bridget. Do you want to be my best friend?” – “Okay! My name is Katie! Let’s be best friends!” A few weeks later, we couldn’t stand each other.

It’s not that little kids have terribly calloused, mean hearts. It’s just that when you’re little, going through a dozen or so friendships every month is easy – you simply use each other for however long the fun lasts. And then, when the other guy starts getting on your nerves – well, there’s plenty of other kids to pick from, so why bother sticking it out with this piece of mold?

We laugh at such childish attitudes, and yet, how many of us still harbor this same kind of mindset even when we’ve grown? Of course, we probably (and hopefully!) don’t act the same way as children, but in all honesty, many of us still do foster that same kind of mentality. How many of us see friendship as something to use for our own benefit and enjoyment, rather than as a means to benefit others and make others happy? How many of us have dropped good friendships over the years simply because we no longer enjoyed the other person’s company?

I’ve come to realize that, for the most part, I have viewed friendship in this way – as something to primarily benefit me and make me happy. I am annoyed when I feel as if I’m being ignored. Irritated when a friend refuses to listen to my advice. Hurt when he or she would rather do something else instead of hanging out with me. It’s a philosophy that says, “I am in this relationship for my benefit, and I want you to make me feel special.” Perhaps I never think this outright, but in application, I far too often do.

How many people out there have viewed friendship as a means to benefit themselves? I can’t imagine I am the only one. It is a simple testimony to human nature, the selfish tendency to place ourselves before others and before God. It is this tendency that has completely twisted the meaning of friendship and turned it into a self-serving, self-loving concept.

You see, friendship should not primarily be something we benefit from; instead, it should be an opportunity for us to benefit others by drawing them closer to God.

Jesus is called a “friend” of sinners. If Jesus were a friend of sinners according to the self-serving definition, do you think he would have stripped himself of power and glory and born the punishment for our sins so that we might have a relationship with God? What did we ever do for him? He befriended us and loved us long before we ever even knew his name. That’s not exactly what I would call a beneficial relationship on his part. And yet he did it anyway, at great cost to himself, so that we might know God. It’s perfectly selfless, and perfectly loving, and perfectly amazing.

Christ died so that I might know God. So that I, a perfectly undeserving, utterly sinful human being who took no interest in Christ whatsoever, could share in Christ's glory and actually know God Almighty on a personal level. Christ's friendship with me has given me the ultimate relationship with God. It's amazing. The only thing I can conclude from such an astounding fact is that my own earthly friendships should try to emulate in some small way this kind of love. In other words, like Christ, the ultimate goal of my friendships should be to strengthen the other person's relationship with God, the only friendship that will ever bring lasting joy. It's a simple thing to recognize, yet more often than not I find myself failing to apply this to real life.

But when you think about it, this is the only way we can become true friends, not by having a good time and enjoying each other’s company, but by building each other up and drawing one another closer to Him. Christ’s friendship with us has given us the ultimate relationship with God. Therefore it only makes sense that the primary purpose of all other relationships should be to strengthen this ultimate relationship with Him.

It all boils down to our worldview. If we recognize that God is ultimately the only being in existence who can make things matter, then we will naturally seek to place Him at the center of all our relationships. And if we place Him at the center of all our relationships, then it will only be natural for us to draw one another closer to Him. And furthermore (stay with me now!), if we are primarily focused on drawing one another closer to Him, then we won’t be busy sulking over bruised egos and damaged self-esteem when we are ignored, or forgotten, or taken advantage of. Instead, we will use these moments as opportunities to imitate Christ's own love toward us.

But just how many of us are this kind of friend?


---[Bridget Eileen]

18 April 2009

If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud*

So, here I am again.
A late hour is approaching.
(And the thought of getting up in a few to go to soccer games and to feed Peru is intimidating.
Actually, not really.)

It began productively (parcing greek verses after working in & working out and got to pj pants even if the sweaty Y shirt is still on [however, the sweaty,smelly socks are gone!] ;P).
It is not ending so (ebay (check out this! watched item...it's pretty awesome [don't even think about bidding on it ;), retipping the ends of my black fingernails (they were fine until the neverending bread pans!) and wondering around on other people's places...wondering around on not other people's places...)

On the ending note of the last thought, I'd always hated my posts, thought they sounded stooooopid and other such unpromoting words.
However, tonight (last night? this morning?) I stumbled upon a few words from my past; they caught up with me.


AND

I'm not gonna lie. There were some good words in there. Encouragement, honesty, gooberness...

Most of it wasn't my original words.

I have so many blogs in draft-mode. Imperfect words. Too many words. Too few words. Unsure words. Wrong-time words.

This one may yet end with those never to be seen files. I haven't decided yet.

If I publish it for the world to see, I'm not going to look back on it (which was this promise I sorta made to myself a long time ago, to never look back on journal/blog/poetry post, which worked fine until tonight) and find good things as in others. I'll prolly be annoyed with myself and confused and wonder why I ever thought anything would be better for my having put it there. ::sigh:: I can feel the annoyance building up even now. I feel the urge to press the <--backspace key until I see my little blinking marker twinkling over a black white screen and then to type something a bit more purposeful despite the wasted time. Yet, something resists, a very little something. Something that says, "you spent time on this. it's history of this night and your thoughts and not wasted! if you don't do it now, it won't apply ever again. it's only for this time, this moment."

So, I guess the sentimental side in me is going to win out. I'll post it. I guess I won't regret it. I'd hate to over something like this.

Hmm, it's now 3:04 a.m. My greek homework is still only 1/2 begun. My Netflix movie long ago decided I had paused it for too long and to log me out. My ebay lurking is getting tiresome. And blogger is getting old. If I had contacts, I think now is the time where people say their eyeballs are sticking to them and they burn and itch or something like.

And so, adieu**! Sweet World until tomorrow! I leave you in the safe hands of the Maker and Creator of you.

*evidence of the good things found from the past of friends [*ahem* Mary :)]
**doyaknow, dictionary.com and so onto thesaurus.com now has a visual thesaurus? It looks pretty cool! Looked like a brain-storming outline. Must check that one out more later...

10 April 2009

tales of w[h]o[a]e

yeah, i didn't really get it either...


someday, i will decide.

i may not be certain,

but i will at least have made a choice.

i will have thrust my own brush out onto the world's canvas and began to make my mark


it will be cool green

bursting orange

skimming yellow

fiery red

and glowing gold


it will sing all favorite songs at once

hum all the beauteous melodies and harmonies simultaneously

it will have it’s own theme-song, ever changing and completely and utterly original—unlike anything ever heard


it will be confident with certainty and direction

instead of tracing random patterns and shapes absentmindedly,

it will create a new piece of art: unique, with ideas never seen before


striving for Perfection,

i'll swim against the current and all the normalities of this life and be entirely content

my decision won't be perfect--

i will fall and flop against the sand, heart pounding; feeling like one more step will kill me

but i will rise again and keep running till the end:

happy in my choice

------[an absentminded school-mate]

06 April 2009

some life-altering words were uttered @ the Doctor's office on Monday

i found out that i suffer from a condition called carcolespsy. it's a problem i've faced for years and just assumed it was a little human "problem" and nothing serious to worry about. however, the last few years it's gotten steadily worse and happens to me without warning and i rarely show any warning signs before it hits. the doctor told me that it's a condition i'll have the rest of my life and there are no cures known.

Pronounced: Kar-ko-lep-see

The inability to stay awake and alert when in a car, or any other thing that moves, such as trains, planes, and busses.

The act of passing out while in a car regardless of passenger or driver status.

example: Roadtrip? Count me in, but I can't drive. I have carcolepsy and we'd all die.


i'm doomed.