trying something new?

18 April 2009

If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud*

So, here I am again.
A late hour is approaching.
(And the thought of getting up in a few to go to soccer games and to feed Peru is intimidating.
Actually, not really.)

It began productively (parcing greek verses after working in & working out and got to pj pants even if the sweaty Y shirt is still on [however, the sweaty,smelly socks are gone!] ;P).
It is not ending so (ebay (check out this! watched item...it's pretty awesome [don't even think about bidding on it ;), retipping the ends of my black fingernails (they were fine until the neverending bread pans!) and wondering around on other people's places...wondering around on not other people's places...)

On the ending note of the last thought, I'd always hated my posts, thought they sounded stooooopid and other such unpromoting words.
However, tonight (last night? this morning?) I stumbled upon a few words from my past; they caught up with me.


AND

I'm not gonna lie. There were some good words in there. Encouragement, honesty, gooberness...

Most of it wasn't my original words.

I have so many blogs in draft-mode. Imperfect words. Too many words. Too few words. Unsure words. Wrong-time words.

This one may yet end with those never to be seen files. I haven't decided yet.

If I publish it for the world to see, I'm not going to look back on it (which was this promise I sorta made to myself a long time ago, to never look back on journal/blog/poetry post, which worked fine until tonight) and find good things as in others. I'll prolly be annoyed with myself and confused and wonder why I ever thought anything would be better for my having put it there. ::sigh:: I can feel the annoyance building up even now. I feel the urge to press the <--backspace key until I see my little blinking marker twinkling over a black white screen and then to type something a bit more purposeful despite the wasted time. Yet, something resists, a very little something. Something that says, "you spent time on this. it's history of this night and your thoughts and not wasted! if you don't do it now, it won't apply ever again. it's only for this time, this moment."

So, I guess the sentimental side in me is going to win out. I'll post it. I guess I won't regret it. I'd hate to over something like this.

Hmm, it's now 3:04 a.m. My greek homework is still only 1/2 begun. My Netflix movie long ago decided I had paused it for too long and to log me out. My ebay lurking is getting tiresome. And blogger is getting old. If I had contacts, I think now is the time where people say their eyeballs are sticking to them and they burn and itch or something like.

And so, adieu**! Sweet World until tomorrow! I leave you in the safe hands of the Maker and Creator of you.

*evidence of the good things found from the past of friends [*ahem* Mary :)]
**doyaknow, dictionary.com and so onto thesaurus.com now has a visual thesaurus? It looks pretty cool! Looked like a brain-storming outline. Must check that one out more later...

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